Arg.

What if I just wnt to pretend I don't have anything to do? Wipe the slate clean please!

Too much stuff stacking up.

But tomorrow is fun and family and Branford (for the last time until who knows how long).
And, um, I might be getting my nose pierced. Random? Maybe not.

Down and down, once again

Feeling melancholy tonight. And sad. Although I guess that they both sort of overlap each other. I'm silly, I really shouldn't be this bummed out. Caleb was going to come over after he worked out, but he decided it would be better if he went to Chuck and Sherry's early. He's right, and we already had a fun afternoon together shopping in Jacksonville (I bought him new shoes for his birthday and we ate at Panera). But I was still really looking forward to seeing him again.

So pathetic. Maybe it's more that I am realizing this whole him leaving thing will be happening sooner than I can get a handle on. I don't want him to leave. I don't want to be here alone, without any connections any more. Granted, his family will be here, but without him here it's just different. I'll feel wierd just dropping by to see someone else's relatives, even if they do know me.

And Caleb himself. I'm not sure if I'm ready for this. He's an essential part of my every day and I don't want him to become phone calls and letters. I want him right here, in the same room, the way it's always been.

Sigh. This will be harder than I thought.

Even after all this time...

This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don't know where I am
I don't know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I'd let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you had just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy"

So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me

Bright Eyes

Fill my empty room with the sun

My parents are visiting me! They brought Philip's truck down so now we each have our own vehicles. AND they bought me an AC unit for my room, so now my room is nice and cool.

We're going to watch the shuttle launch today from Vilano with Pap-Pap. And eat at Schooners for dinner. And go to the beach. I love my family.

My room is still messy, my life is still busy, and i still have a website that I'm not finished with. Ho hum.

But this Saturday I might get to ride a jet-ski!

No Time for Losers

Today I unpacked a bunch of stuff and gernerally just cleaned up a bit. It was much needed and I feel better already. Caleb and Philip put up two shelves in the kitchen, so now I have someplace to put all of my "dry food" (noodles and such). It definitely gives me more cabinet space, that's for sure.

Philip got a job! He's working for maintenance (I swear I have no idea how to spell that right) at my hotel! I'm mreally excited becuase I think it will be perfect for him, plus Mike (his boss) is really laid back and cool.

Today is Day Three of having No Hot Water. It stinks, it really does, because I really need to take a shower. Just kidding. I've been using Uncle Chuck and and Sherry's house to get clean, but I'd really like to be able to use my own bathroom again. Y'know. It'd be nice. Tory (my landlord and also owner of the Surf Station is already on it and hopefully he'll have it working again by Monday or Tuesday.

Which, actually, I'll be in Georgia then visiting Kate and Dustin and going to Ikea. Can't wait.

Tomorrow I'm going surfing. It's about darn time.

(another one)

Do you ever look back and realize, "Wow, that's where I was." In a completly different place.

It's sad, becuase a few months ago I feel like I was really at a high point creatively. I was writing and drawing in my journal a lot, and I really enjoyed it. It was easy, and I painted and it was so much fun and it was good. And now...now it's like I'm in this completely different world. A lot of it has to do with being busy, and just as much has to do with my place still being a mess and all my stuff being in different boxes. Hopefully soon Ikea will change some of that. But I can't be creative in a mess. I realize that now, I need space. Space to spread out and put my paints down. Floor to walk on. I barely even have that in my room now.

I hope I can get back to that point. I know when Caleb is gone I will have way more free time than I care to have, but it will be good for me. Even so, that's when school will be starting and then who knows how crazy things will be, school and work and new people and a new church. But at least (hopefully) I will have a few art classes and I will be able to force myself to get back into the creative groove. I miss it, I really do.

Hmmm...

So my server is down right now and I'm not sure why. My hot water is also not working. And I have to take my car in to get fixed because the engine is close to falling out. But the good news is that it will be free to get fixed because Ford had a recall on it. And also I went to Islands of Adventure yesterday with Philip and it was lots of fun. And free (thanks Josh).

Also, I will probably be going to the Warner-Robins/Atlanta area on Monday/Tuesday of next week, to see Kate and go to Ikea. Wonderful, glorious Ikea. Yay!

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow I get Cable Internet hooked up. Oh glorious day.

p.s.

We have hot water now! Yay!

12 x $54=$648=...2 and a half iPods! Geez!

So, I would just like to take this time to say that I miss the internet. The REAL internet, as in--not dial-up. I am utterly overcome by how terrible dial-up really is, and even though I hate the fact that I have to pay 54 bucks a month for cable internet, it's still better than crappy 'ole mr. dial-up. Phooey, I say. Phooey!

Oh, and I have to work on the Fourth of July. From 3pm to 11pm. So, um, save me some fireworks. Or video tape them, or something, because I sure won't be seeing any that night.