Down and down, once again

Feeling melancholy tonight. And sad. Although I guess that they both sort of overlap each other. I'm silly, I really shouldn't be this bummed out. Caleb was going to come over after he worked out, but he decided it would be better if he went to Chuck and Sherry's early. He's right, and we already had a fun afternoon together shopping in Jacksonville (I bought him new shoes for his birthday and we ate at Panera). But I was still really looking forward to seeing him again.

So pathetic. Maybe it's more that I am realizing this whole him leaving thing will be happening sooner than I can get a handle on. I don't want him to leave. I don't want to be here alone, without any connections any more. Granted, his family will be here, but without him here it's just different. I'll feel wierd just dropping by to see someone else's relatives, even if they do know me.

And Caleb himself. I'm not sure if I'm ready for this. He's an essential part of my every day and I don't want him to become phone calls and letters. I want him right here, in the same room, the way it's always been.

Sigh. This will be harder than I thought.