I'm sitting here, tapping the keys of the keyboard with my nails, wishing I knew exactly what it is I want to say. I'm just feeling so melancholy today. I think staying up last night until 2 am in the lab (helping Caleb design his cd cover) and getting up at 8 has something to do with it. And the fact that...I miss my friends! My girl friends (although yes, Andy and Jay, I miss you too). I mean honestly, I get along with guys much better than I do with girls. Girls just have a tendancy to be petty and catty and ditsy and other bad qualities that end in "y". If you catch me on any given day I'll probably have had conversations with twice as many guys as I have girls. And it's not becuase I'm a big ole flirt or something like that. Guys are just funny and easy to get along with--they don't hold grudges or read into things the way girls do. And yes, I know I'm making generalizations, but it's true. And while there are plenty of amazing girls on my hall that I'm friends with, i really don't have any extremely close friends at college that are girls. Good girl friends are hard to come by, and today I'm just really missing some of the girls I was so close with in high school that are now thousands of miles away from me.

Granted, some of this is my fault--with school and work and Kairos and Prayer Leader-ing and Caleb...there's not much time to do random things with people. My days all feel extremely planned and scheduled so that I barely have any free time--and when I do, it seems like nobody else does. Unfortunately, that's how it has to be for me to get things done. And I feel bad, because I had so much more time last year and I know that there are those who think I've ditched them just "because I have a boyfriend". But that's not the case. There are so many days when I see Caleb for five minutes after convo, half an hour for dinner, and then the ten-fifteen minutes when he drops me off/picks me up from work, and that's it. I don't think they understand that I genuinely don't have much free time to just do "whatever" anymore. But I don't, and while I hate that, there's really nothing I can do about it.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. Heh. I guess it will suffice to say that I miss the close friendships I've had in the past with other girls, but trying to get to know someone well enough and hang out with them enough to be good friends takes more time than I have right now. Maybe that sounds terrible, but it's the honest truth and I can't do much to change it.

it's 1:35, and thanks to Math class getting out early, I already ate lunch...so it's back to the dorm with me, to take a nap, do homework, and get ready to go to work. C'est la vie...


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