Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

Today I feel older. It's like I finally woke up to the fact that I am twenty-one, that I have friends who are married and friends who are travelling or graduated and I am living in a brand new city in my own place, and my boyfriend will be leaving soon to finish his schooling at BCF.

And it's a strange feeling, it really is. Becuase even though I feel old, I also don't. I'm still so much in transition. There's the part of me that will still coyly suggest to Caleb that he really donesn't have to go to BCF; that it's just too far. Even though I know, I know that he needs to g and he will learn so much there and that it wil be good for me to concentrate on doing well at Flagler. But it doesn't mean I have to be happy about it. Or even like it.
I've had the past few days off and it's been really nice. I've been swimming and running errands and sleeping in and doing lots of reading at Barnes and Noble. Reading Lauren F. Winner, to be exact. Her books (I finished Real Sex this morning and am now halfway through Girl Meets God) are so interesting, and I love reading the narrative of someone so intellectual yet so new to some aspects of Christianity. I defintely reccomend her books.

So another blog post, another day of being older than I feel like I am, and another day closer to Caleeb leaving and school starting. I almost smile at how little I know about the coming year, and how months from now I will be in a completely different place in my head. It's scary, but exciting. Crossing my fingers...


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